Purpose

     Yesterday I made a deal with you that if I am aggressive again, this relationship is ending. Moreover, this is something I need to deal with myself because I don't want this problem to continue moving forward in any kind of relationship I have.

     I've never done this before, and I'm scared (as usual). I want a space for me to write everything on my mind because I think I react badly to almost everything these days. This way I can at least start telling you in some constructive way and I have a place to document my progress. This is will also be a place that I can tell you all the positive things as well so I don't forget to appreciate you. I have to make it, with or without you. That's hard to admit. I'd much rather do it with you by my side.

     I'm going to try and write about every 24 hours, but I know I'll miss some days. It sounds a bit excessive, but when I lose my mind it can happen when I let myself slip for even 5 minutes. That means everyday this has to be the first thing on my mind, and I have to remind myself constantly of the lessons I pick up from research and therapy.

     This post is the purpose. The rest will be my entries.